The School Photo
by Catygirl
Summary: It's a special day in the O'Neill household, the school photo needs to be taken but things don't go exactly to plan and Jack has to open up about the past. Part of my series following the team after Continuum.


_The School Photo_

_Ok so this is another part in my family series. It is not necessary to have read the others but to give you a hand, the series is mostly set post Continuum but does show Jack and Sam getting together after Threads. By this point they have 4 kids – 2 girls and 2 boys. In other stories you see the family get to that point. All the others are posted here and indicate in the summary if they are part of this series. Thanks for reading, reviews are liked but not demanded! I own nothing, in case you were wondering. _

The picture was beautiful, a clear likeness of all four O'Neill children. Jack was thrilled. It was one of the things he'd waited for since Leah had been born. He'd always loved Charlie's school photos and had always taken one of the smaller versions with him on his black ops missions.

Sure, he loved all the photos they had of the kids: milestones, snapshots that could take him back to the moment the photo had been taken, first bike, first tooth, the family laughing and even crying.

But school photos were different. They were posed and they usually looked reasonable, although Jack screwed up his face remembering Jake's kindergarten photo, when he'd had paint all over his face and hands. They marked the passing of a year and additions to a family. Jack smirked, the picture from last year catching his eye with Grace looking beautiful, Jake serious, and Dan full of mischief. All the other school photos of all the kids had been great but deep down Jack had been waiting three and a half years for this one. This photo was special; it would be the only time in their entire school careers when all four O'Neills would have a school photo taken together.

The day it was taken, however, had begun with a scene of carnage in the O'Neill household.

_SG1_

"Jack, why are you so anxious about this?" Sam asked, watching her husband fuss around the kids, checking ties, face wipes, hairbrushes.

He was driving Grace, their eldest, demented with instructions about her role in getting her brothers and sister organised.

"It's important, Sam. School photos are keepsakes that we can always have with us," Jack stated, while dressing Leah in her kindergarten pinafore.

Sam could tell there was more to it but decided to drop the subject for the moment.

Jack had been so keen on getting the kids organised for the photo that he'd completely forgotten that they'd need to eat. Unfortunately, he was only reminded when Dan dumped a knife full of jelly on Leah's toast . . . and on Leah herself. Most of the family sniggered but Jack was incensed.

He stood at the sink and loudly said, "Oh, for cryin' out loud! Can't one single thing go right for once?" In truth Jack was ranting at no one in particular but the kids so rarely heard that tone that they all went quiet. Dan, realising he was partly to blame, burst into tears. It had already been a long morning. This set Leah off, who now realised her clean outfit was dirty and Daddy would be angry at her.

Jack surveyed the kitchen. He couldn't cope with tears, not today. He stormed past Sam and nearly knocked Jake over as he entered the room. He opened the sliding door and stormed out onto the deck.

Sam's eyes followed him, appreciating that there was something very wrong. However, her first task was to calm down Leah and Dan. Fortunately, all it took to settle them both down was a simple hug. She gave them both a quick kiss before she got out the cereal and put some into the kids' bowls, making sure they were all seated so there wouldn't be any more mishaps. Nevertheless, she kept an eye on all four kids as they ate, just in case.

The kids seemed to be eating in slo-mo and Sam was getting worried about Jack, who was still outside. She was getting impatient and tried to hurry the kids along. "C'mon, kids, get a move on. We're running late." All four children looked up at their mom. Sam looked at Grace.

"Grace, can you help Leah get changed?" At Grace's nod Sam turned to her eldest son. "Jake, when you're done, help Dan pack his school bag. OK? I'll go see to your father."

Leaving her two eldest in charge, Sam moved to the door. She took a deep breath and walked out onto the deck.

She looked around and spotted Jack in the garden and his posture almost broke her heart. He looked so completely dejected. Bracing herself, she decided enough was enough. She'd get the truth out of him if it killed her.

Sam walked up to where Jack was sitting on the wooden seat that encircled the large oak in the middle of the garden. She took his hand from his lap as she sat down next to him. "What's going on?" she queried.

Jack sat silently, not looking at her, lost in his own thoughts.

After a pained few minutes Sam spoke again. "Please, Jack, talk to me."

Finally he spoke. "I just want it to be perfect," he said quietly, not looking up.

"I know," Sam said, gently smoothing her thumb over his knuckles. "What I don't get is why this one? What's so special about this one photo?"

Jack took a deep breath. He still felt useless at sharing, especially about this, about him. "He never got this," he said in a whisper that Sam almost had to strain to hear.

"Who, Jack?" she asked, pushing the topic, although she had a fairly good idea.

"Charlie. He never got this. He never got to show me his final year picture, he never had brothers or sisters to be with . . . he never had me fussing over him on a daily basis. He never . . . " Jack stopped, unable to continue.

Sam squeezed his hand reassuringly. She knew there'd be more but if she pushed he could just as easily clam up again. He'd never spoken openly about Charlie, even when the kids had been born.

Jack took a deep breath and continued, needing Sam to understand. "Charlie died the day the final year pictures came home. He . . . ah . . . he'd been really annoyed before they were taken, said that he was angry at me for not giving him brothers. Uh . . . Sara had told him that we'd had no other kids as I was away so often." He looked up, although not really seeing anything. "I suppose it's partly true." He stopped and coughed nervously. He didn't like talking about Sara with Sam, maybe because deep inside he knew he loved Sam more and that hurt in a strange way.

"There's more, Jack, I can tell. Please tell me." Sam didn't want to keep pushing him but she needed to know, and she thought Jack needed talk about it.

"I just want the kids to have the memory, to be able to look back and be happy, I want them to remember having each other and this is the only school photo they'll have with them all in it together." He shuffled his feet, getting agitated and angry at himself that he couldn't do this quickly. He sighed and ran his hand through his hair, looking down at his feet. This was so hard.

Jack decided that it would be better to just get it over and done with quickly, to just rip the Band-Aid off like his mother used to do. He also knew that he needed to tell Sam how he felt, for all their sakes. He couldn't look at her as he spoke but holding her hand did give him comfort. "I want to get to the point where Grace is older than Charlie was when . . . I get so scared that something might happen to her or the others. It's gotten worse in the last few months as Grace has gotten closer . . . she's almost there, almost his age, and it just really scares me. I don't want history to repeat itself. " He paused and Sam gently squeezed his hand, rubbing her thumb over his knuckles, trying to give him as much support as she could, trying to show him that she understood. She let him collect his thoughts, not interrupting. She'd never considered how Grace's age would affect him.

"I know it sounds stupid but to me it matters!" Jack stood and pulled his hand from Sam's grasp. He started pacing, a sure sign of his discomfort.

"Oh, Jack, it's not stupid. But why didn't you say something?" Sam asked, her voice full of concern.

Jack stopped and looked at her, totally frustrated. "Because I don't know how, because I thought it was dumb, because I wasn't acknowledging it . . . pick one!" he said wryly.

Sam stood, walked towards him and hugged him tight. "It's not stupid, Jack, believe me. And now I understand why this is so important to you. I know it's difficult to talk about Charlie but he's a part of you and you need to talk about him," Sam whispered. She could feel Jack struggling to hold on.

"Jack, you've been bottling Charlie up for so long, you need to let him out more." Sam stroked his back and his neck as she heard him start sobbing quietly in her ear. She knew she should have dealt with this earlier. They'd moved into their large house after she'd gotten back from Atlantis and she'd been shocked when no pictures of Charlie had gone up on the walls. But they'd still been fairly new at the relationship thing at the time, and very new at living together. Jack had never discussed Charlie with her and she'd never felt confident enough to broach the subject with him.

"Talk to me, talk to the kids. Grace and Jake would love to hear stories about their big brother and they're more than old enough to understand."

Jack nodded into her neck, starting to get himself under control.

Sam pulled back and looked him in the eye. "I'm not going to force you. It's your decision." She looked down, cleared her throat, then looked at him again. "Jack, I know we've already talked about this. I can't promise nothing will ever happen to the kids or me, and I know if something happens to them it would destroy both of us, but somehow we can't live expecting the worst. That will destroy us all without even trying."

She reached up and wiped his cheek, letting him know that she understood how desperate he was feeling. She smiled. "C'mon, let's go and get the kids decked out for the photo," she said, pulling his hand.

They took a few steps then Jack pulled Sam back. He looked nervous. "Maybe we could go through Charlie's box on the weekend . . . with the kids."

Sam tilted her head up and gently kissed him, tears shining in her eyes. "I think that's a great idea."

They walked hand in hand back into the house to be greeted by their troop in formation. However, they looked like they'd been pulled through a hedge backwards. Grace's blonde hair was dishevelled, Jake had his entire set of clothes on backwards, Dan's face was covered in a combination of peanut butter and jelly, while Leah had Sam's lipstick all over hers. They all stood in the family room with huge smiles on their faces, waiting for their parents.

Jack came in, took one look at the four of them, and couldn't help laughing. The kids began to giggle; Grace had set it up, hoping it would get just that reaction.

"I'm sorry I shouted," Jack finally managed to say to them, once they'd all settled down. "I don't mind what you look like as long as you're all here."

By this point Sam had retrieved a face cloth and was cleaning Dan and Leah.

Grace spoke first. "Don't worry, Dad, they have their orders!" Then she turned about face and left to fix her hair.

"Yup, this is gonna be the best O'Neill picture ever!" Jake added, as he ran out of the room backwards.

Dan, now clean, pulled on his daddy's sleeve. "I promise not to get muddy at all," he said very solemnly.

Jack looked down. "That's fine, squirt. You just try to smile, that's all I want."

After a few frantic minutes the kids were respectable again and ready for school, with combs and hairbrushes at the ready. The family stood looking at a kitchen that resembled a bomb site. Breakfast hadn't been cleared and Leah's dirty clothes were still lying on the floor in a heap. The peanut butter jar stood open with what looked suspiciously like Sam's favourite lipstick as its new spoon. There was cereal on the floor and milk on the table. Sam looked aghast.

Aware that it was mainly his fault that breakfast hadn't been as ordered as it usually was, Jack took the step of announcing that he would drive the kids to school. He shrugged his shoulders sheepishly at Sam, kissed her cheek, and ushered the kids out. He knew it was the coward's way out but Sam dealt with mess way better than he did.

"I'll get you later, O'Neill," she called out as he left the house quietly. Sam looked at the mess and began to laugh. Who knew school photos could cause this much hassle?

_SG1_

So now, a few weeks later, the photo was home and little ones were being sent to family members across the galaxy. The largest had been framed and put up above the fireplace in the family room alongside the best one of Charlie, at Sam's request.

The kids were in bed and Jack stood looking at the photos. He hadn't looked at Charlie's picture in so long. It took his breath away to realise how similar he was to Jake. They had the same hair, the same coloured eyes, and they both looked so much like Jack. The only difference was that Jake clearly had Sam's nose.

Yes, school photos marked the passing of time very well. They reminded him of what he had lost and how lucky he was for what he had now. He smiled, thinking of the particular milestone that had passed today without major incident. Today, without any ceremony or fuss, he'd realised that Grace was now older than Charlie had been when he'd died. It had come to him when he'd been hanging the pictures. He'd been surprised that the day he'd been dreading had passed but he'd also been relieved. It had been irrational but the fear of something happening to Grace had been real to him. Now he could simply enjoy his kids . . . and their gorgeous mother, he thought, as he turned and smirked at the wedding picture on the shelf to the side.

Sam came up behind him and put her arms round him, glad to see him smile. She'd done the math and had worked out the significance of today. "I'm glad you agreed to put up his photo. It's like he's really a part of us now. And the kids love having their big brother right there next to their photo."

Jack turned and kissed her. "Thank you." It was for so many things, too many for him to be able to put into words. But he knew that Sam understood, and his heart swelled with love for her and their kids as he looked back at the photos on the wall.

"Let's go to bed," Sam said, and pulled him from the room.


End file.
